My emotional Rollercoaster

I alluded to how my emotions are going crazy since yesterday on my Facebook page and I’ve got an almost set date for my Orthodox Beit Din and conversion to be completed and with the date happening after Pesach (Passover) and before Lag B’omer I have to look at it as own personal coming out of Mitzrayim (Egypt) just as the Israelites and the most knowledgeable generation did over 3,000 years ago. I’ve studied a lot, I’ve read A LOT, I’ve done a lot to get this conversion completed and I’m READY like really READYYYYYYYYY for it to be completed and to go to mikvah but like every convert there is this stone in my stomach about the Beit Din. Even though I think I know my stuff one never knows the questions that can come up during it and I just hope I don’t answer their questions wrong.  Also I was getting emotional over my ex who is going through some tough cancer treatment. We only dated for a mere 6 months or so but we’ve been friends pretty much ever since and to know that he is in pain and trying to act strong around me when I saw him last night was just too much. Seeing how much weight he’s lost and hearing him say how winded he gets and how tired he is and wants to do everything on his own and doesn’t want help is tough for me because I want to help him and be there for him also. I just let it overwhelm me and then when he left I’d when I got the email from my rabbi about the dates for the Beit Din and it sent me over the edge. How does one react when you see a cancer survivor dealing with a new bought of cancer and then getting the great news of your Beit Din being convened? It’s tough and well the tears just came out I couldn’t hold them back! That ugly cry too not the nice somewhat pretty or contrallable tears like the ones that your whole body just shakes and moves uncontrollably. It was bound to happen and no one was there to witness that type of crying thank G-d, but my ex did see me cry and not be able to stop it. When he went home from visiting me at my hotel on a layover as much as I tried to hold it back so he wouldn’t see i couldn’t the tears just came and I couldn’t talk.  So please y’all pray, daven, say Tehillim and ask HaShem, G-d or who ever your higher being may be that he be healed quickly and completely and that I get through my Beit Din smoothly. Have a great week ahead and a meaningful Pesach. 

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